Football is a beautiful game for many, so it’s only fair that the players wear equally beautiful kits. Especially if you’re Ribéry. He has to compensate, right?
Kaizer Chiefs (2011)
Some say this is a controversial choice – heck, it may be so controversial that it will all kick off. I predict a riot. (Because of Kaiser Chiefs. No? Okay then.) Sure it looks a tad bee-meets-sunshine, but who doesn’t like this sun? Exactly. And who doesn’t like bees? Oh wait.
This shirt is so classic that it makes Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice look like an iPod nano, yet it is so simple – a red band; three thin white stripes and a rooster who looks quite cocky. Or quite cockerel. Class.
England may have invented football, but Brazil redefined it – not just with their big teeth and exceptional skills, but via the kits. This iconic shirt is the king of all kits, and when you think Pele, Rivelino, Carlos Alberto Jairzinho, Tostão and Gérson all wore this, it kinda makes all over shirts obsolete.
Fashionistas – avert your gaze. I understand it’s difficult to design a football kit, what with the constraint of the team’s colours and all of the good kits being done (see above), but clearly the inclusion of third and fourth kits has just left designers thinking why bother?
Nelson Mandela called. He wants his shirt back. In fact, the anti-apartheid revolutionary is probably the only person who could pull it off. No player will ever be as cool or powerful as Mandela, so there is no point in even trying.
Maybe the team were hoping that their opponents had epilepsy, and by merely looking at their shirts would cause them to seize up? This mix of 8-bit video gaming and sundial-like architecture has literally left me speechless. And a little dizzy.
Clearly a bad year for football, ’96 brought us this. Why, England? You are the home of fish and chips; Harry Potter; a skydiving queen; but this?! Just praise the lord that this wasn’t during Seaman’s ponytail phase, otherwise it would have been too much to handle.
Images: All Star